The death of a dear one and our response to it

Death is the biggest cause of insecurity and grief to us. I too am concerned about death and its effects on people. I am also curious to know what death is. I am going to write about death as I see it after experiencing the death of my mother two years ago.

She had cancer. We did not inform her about her disease as my papa did not have the courage and I did not believe in the doctors about their diagnosis. I still am very suspicious about what doctors say. Mother’s cancer spread to her lungs and the last two days she had increasing difficulty in breathing. Everybody believed that it was the end of her life, reluctantly I too believed it. And the last 2 days were terrible for her and for us. She was admitted in a hospital and she was sedated. I felt as if we were waiting for her to die which made me feel so bad. I searched everywhere for some consolation. I felt I would die. When she passed away, I had severe pain in my chest and I felt dizzy and I felt like falling unconscious. I somehow managed to hang on. The thoughts that gave me strength were that my papa needed me and that my mother always wanted me to get the best in the world and I imagined that her soul wanted me to not only carry on but also to excel in life and be happy in life. She wanted me to lead a good life and take care of my father.

My mom did not understand me well, but she always supported me and I was never afraid of her. I knew that she would always love me even if the whole world hated me. I was special to her. I sometimes argued with her for not understanding me and my thoughts. However, I was always sure of her support and love.  She was only a human and she had her failures also. When death approached her, I was devastated. I was not married. I did not have any job as I was trying to make sense of the world at that time by reading, thinking and experiencing. I want to share my thought on death, so that others who are dealing with death may get some strength to face it.

When a person has lived for nearly a century and has experienced as many things as possible, for that person it is usually not difficult to accept death. Some aged people even wait for death.  There are times when the society becomes so insensitive that it forces people to commit suicide.

If our loved one is dying, then we feel angry, sad, abandoned, lonely and confused.  People with high self confidence and self esteem often become depressed when their loved ones are about to die. Our attitude to life and death both matter in such a situation. We should accept that life is a phenomenon and we know very little about it. It is very easy to get angry with God, but we must realize that our knowledge and wisdom are very limited and there are so many things about ourselves that we don’t understand. Death cannot be the end. Death is only a transformation from one form of existence to another about which we cannot know because we are prisoners of our senses and we are destined to be humans and we can know only those things that humans need to know.

Hence, it is important to be humble and to believe that nature and God know better. We must trust God and nature and believe that they will do only those things which are good for us. Those things may seem to be unfair, but everything will turn out to be good if we continue to be good human beings. God will take care of our loved one in the other world. The concepts of sins and punishment are man made, which were made to scare people to stop them from doing bad things. I believe that in the other world, nothing is like what we see or feel here, it is totally different. Therefore, our concepts are meanigless there. God will do only good to our loved ones as he does to us.  We must emerge more noble and strong after every tribulation and our dead loved ones will also be helped by God to be happy where they are.  However, if we do bad things in this world the bad effects will be left for ever in this world to be experienced by us and our loved ones.

We are helpless when our loved ones are near death. However, we should not feel guilty that we are somehow responsible to save them from death. We should try our best to find ways to save them, but if everything fails we should not blame ourselves.

We should not give the care of our loved ones who are near death to experts. We should take control and as far as possible keep the experts away. We should be with them caring for them.

It is very important that we do not believe the words of doctors when it comes to the time left to live. There are so many instances when doctors predicted death within days and the patients went on to live for many years. The future is highly uncertain and nobody can predict what will happen in the future and doctors are no exception. Therefore, when we take care of our loved ones we should believe that the person will go on living and we should behave accordingly. It is foolish and fatal to accept that death is imminent just because doctors said so. Doctors are also humans and they depend on past experiences to predict the future. In life, our beliefs often come true. Therefore, we should believe the best and give confidence to our loved ones. We must stay with them and make them believe that we are always with them caring for them. They must also know that if they die we will continue to live on, helping each other.

The presence of our loved ones can give us consolation at such times. It was nice to see even my enemies at the time of my mother’s demise because that indicated a kind of bond between us. The loved ones can give us help and they can divert our attention to other things as well.

After our loved one has ceased to breath, some experts will say that the person is dead. However, there have been instances when people have again started to breath after some hours. Therefore, we must not cremate the body before it starts to decompose, which shows that the person is indeed dead.

We must share our grief with others and we should not suppress our need to cry. We must not become so emotional as to ignore our duties.  We must remember that our deceased ones want us to carry on with life. They do want us to remember them and pray for them. They would be devastated if they come to know that because of them we have stopped living. The dead relatives and friends are in other world about which we cannot know. I prefer to believe that they know what we do and what happen to us.  If we go on to live a happy and noble life, they will be proud of us. Of course, they would be happy if we acknowledge their contributions and pray for them.

I hope my experience and my views can help people who are dealing with serious illness and death in the family. I pray that God give them strength.

Wanted for USA, Europe and Gulf wage/salary slaves- Study Kerala, Study well- Your MASTERS are waiting

Sometimes, I feel helpless about the mentality of my people. They study, they go abroad, they work hard, they sacrifice, they complain, they make money, they spend it, they marry, but they don't get time to spend with their spouse, they raise children and educate them and then, they send them abroad. During the old age, they wait for their children to come on leave, and struggle alone with all the problems that old age brings.

I am writing this because today I heard problems faced by women in Gulf countries. I am anguished because I don't understand or may be I fully understand why people need to leave their loved ones and go abroad. I wonder why people of Kerala and India need to serve the Americans, Europeans and Arabs to get money. Why can't they serve Keralites and get money for that? Are keralites any less deserving or any less humans than Americans or Europeans? For sure, malayalis are far better than the Arabs. Then,why can't the young people be with their loving parents and grand parents when they are lying paralysed? Why can't lakhs of Malayalis be with their children to see them learn to walk and speak and to hold their hands when the children need that support?  Why do malayali women need to sell their flesh to the anilmals abroad?
Why do people think that to live we need to adjust with these kinds of injustice?

I teach English. Therefore, I get many adults who work, or have worked abroad. One of my students lost his business worth millions of Rupees in gulf because his sponsor cheated him. My students tell me their sufferings.

There is a term called wage slavery. It refers to those people who work for others for a wage /salary.

We all think that the days of slavery are over. However, the fact is that slavery is alive and more widespread than ever in the form of wage slavery.  There isn't much difference in the effects of the old slavery and the wage slavery on the life of slaves. The only difference is that in the old period, people easily recognised a slave and everyone was well aware of slavery, whereas today a slave is not easily recognised. Fossil fuels, Electricity, development of machines, brain washing in the form of modern Education and modern means of entertainment like TV have successfully made us clueless and confused about reality.

The tragedy is that we don't even know the existance of slavery among us and that we are wage slaves.

Money, international finance, words, psychology, sociology and even religion along with all human knowledge are being used to make us work for the elite, be they in India or in Europe or anywhere in the world.

We are being educated to work for somebody else. We are made helpless to face the world alone. We lack the courage, desire and the ability to live as free people. We are divided and sent to many parts of the world in the name of labour mobility. We fight for small things and our minds get trapped in those small things and we never think about the larger picture or big things. As children, we all have the ability to survive on our own, but in schools and in society, we are taught that we can't survive independently. Our natural abilities are taken away and we are forced to work as  wage slaves. The worst thing is that no body is giving attention to the fact that we all are turning into slaves. We don't even know that we are wage slaves.

I shudder when I see our leaders competing to make more malayalis wage slaves.

Dear Friends if you really love yourself, or your loved ones or your country or your God, then stand up and refuse to work for others for salary. You lose out in every way when you become a wage slave. Be your own boss. Start your own work. To start your own work, find out the things that the people around you need and train yourself to give that. Then, serve your people in Kerala. You will have to face many problems but mate, this is our place and what is life without struggles and we are fighting for our people's freedom, life and dignity. You will be able to help your loved ones whenever they need. More important is that you will be able to stay with your wife, children and your parents. What life is better than this? Come on, there is a great life waiting for you if only you would show the courage and the wisdom to tear away the lies put on your eyes.

People of Kerala are the Best. We need to wake up and realise that we can become rich by serving our people. It is a propaganda that we need to serve others to become rich. Friends, we are not born for wage slavery. Don't waste your life. Open your eyes.
 IF WE WORK TOGETHER THEN WE CAN FIND SOLUTION FOR ANYTING.

Read www.YouTakeResponsibility.com to find out more about what is forcing malayalis to work abroad.

Good Values are more important than anything else, even Money.

Bebel , a 21 year old man, , was among his relatives attending a party.

An uncle: Young man, what ‘s up? What are you doing now?

Bebel’s Papa: He completed his graduation and he is trying to get a job now. He is confused about which job to do.

Uncle: Son, you are not going to get any good job after doing graduation. You need to specialize in a subject.

Bebel’s Mom: He is actually more into serving people and doing social work.

Everybody in the room comes closer with a smile.

An Aunt: Well, that is good. He can take M S W. He can go abroad and make good money. He can do social work too.

A cousin: Aunt, that is a good idea.  

Bebel’s Mom:  We too have told him that. However, he says that he does not want to do post graduation. He wants to do some good work, like opening an old age home or a place for the destitute.

Another aunt: How good is that.

A cousin: He is so honest and kind. He will do that work well. I like that idea.

An Uncle: That is all good and well. How will he make money for that? How will he make a living from that? How will he take care of his family? We need money to survive. Son, you should make some money first. Then, you can do all these things.

Haven’t you too heard comments like this, in which people say that no emotion or quality is worthy if it can’t bring in money for you?

Are you not being brainwashed into thinking that money is everything in life? People may give lip service to good values, art, spirituality, nationalism, freedom, justice, relationships etc, but money and selfishness are the most important motives behind all these.

Sometimes I wonder if I am wrong to consider good values to be something real, because going after money pays and you can live with your head high in front of others. People respect the rich. We can control the behavior of others if we have money. So what if we are forced to do things that we don’t like to make money. So what if we have to work like slaves for days together far away from our homes. Everything is alright if we are able to make money. What is wrong in compromising on our values, if we are paid well? If we have money, we can donate to poor people and do good things for others. We can do anything that is legal for money, because we have a family to look after.

However, my faith in following good values is strengthened when I see the cost that we need to pay to get money. If we have to lose our soul to get money, would you willingly sell your soul for money. When I consider what is important in life, I feel that money is nothing. I feel that spirituality, freedom, education, human cooperation, justice, kindness and non-violence are the most important things in life. I have found the truth about money and I have explained it in my website www.YouTakeResponsibility.com. My resolve to follow good values is strengthened whenever I see sufferings around me.

I think everyone should find out the truth that money is a trap to enslave us. If we want to live a real life, we must rise above money. We must take care of each other. This is very difficult to do. However, if we work together, it will be very easy to live a good life. I invite you all to discuss this matter.